


Sing Me to Sleep

by lifeofamarriedfangirl



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Post Reichenbach, References to Suicide, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-17
Updated: 2013-04-17
Packaged: 2017-12-08 17:59:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/764315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifeofamarriedfangirl/pseuds/lifeofamarriedfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Watson's last letter to Sherlock.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sing Me to Sleep

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide references ahead. Do not read if this is a trigger for you.
> 
> Sorry about this whole mess. I'm in a mood, and things come out. Not beta'd or britpicked. Any mistakes are entirely my own. Title from the song "Sing me to Sleep" by The Smiths.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CGIii_eTOk

It's all pointless without you really.

 

Life is gray without you in it. All the things that made my life worthwhile are gone now. Your laugh when I made a halfway decent joke. The way you would smile at me when no one was looking. The smell of your hair after sex. How you would press your cold feet up against me, just to make me yelp. How peaceful you looked sleeping in the soft glow of the dawn. I dream of those moments. Its what I imagine heaven will be like.

 

I know what you would say if you were here. But you're not. And that's the heart of the matter, isn't it? That you're in a better place. And I'm left with what remains. A blue scarf that no longer smells of you. A bed that is too cold and large, not that I sleep anymore. And the ghost of melodies of a silent violin. But that's not the point of this letter. After all, isn't that what people do? Leave a note?

 

I made two cups of tea today. It scared Mrs.Hudson. She worries about me. I know how everyone has worried about me. But it's okay. Seeing you will make it okay.

 

You never lied to me. No one will ever convince me you did. You were the best thing to ever happen to me. I was so lost, and I didn't even know it. Everything you ever did made me a better person, and I will be eternally grateful to whatever deity that decided to bring you into my life. I can only hope that I meant half as much to you as you did to me. You were the very air I breathe, the balm for my weary soul, and my entire reason for being.

 

Do you remember our first case? “A Study in Pink”? God, how you hated that title. You were in such a furor to find that pink suitcase that you left me behind at the crime scene. I was so irritated with you. You apologized later, but it's always been you running off first. Looks like you've managed to do it again. I can only hope that you've waited on me this one time.

 

I love you. I always have. I always will.

 

Put on the kettle for me dearest. I'm coming home.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by my own morbid depression. Honestly, I would happily sell my soul to experience a love so deep, if only for a short while. But suicide and/or self-harm is never the answer. If you ever find yourself in crisis, reach out to me or someone else. My ask on tumblr is always open as is my email. If you ever think no one cares, just remember that I do deeply. And I will always be there for you. Depression is a horrible thing that will tear you apart from the inside, but I understand. And I want to share your burden.
> 
> kdbrown03@gmail.com - Do not hesitate to rant and/or cry to me. I will listen without judgement.
> 
> Thank you for reading my jacked up mess. Writing is my therapy, and some ugly things sometimes surface.


End file.
